How To Take Care of Yourself While Taking Care of Others

This time of year, Giving is front and center. And if you’re a Giver and Helper personality it can feel overwhelming because you just want to help and give to everyone, and it seems like during the holidays there are more and more people who need help. The friend or client or customer who is celebrating their first Christmas without a loved one, the neighbor battling cancer, the friend whose husband is going on 6 months without finding a new job, the three people who just passed away – OK so those are a few from my list, the client or customer who’s heating has gone out – and yes that did just happen to me but we also have a client who had to manifest over $30K to put a new HVAC into her 20,000 SF store in the middle of winter.

Then there are the people who just survived an earthquake, entire countries of people just like you and me who are being displaced or affected by war. And that giving tree, I can never pick just one name.

It can be exhausting helping others and some days it feels like a full-time job.

I learned 3 things this year to help me be a better Helper and Giver and I’d love to share them with you. Maybe just one will resonate with you and be a game changer or, maybe all three.

The first thing is easier said than done but it’s truly a big help when you can master it, which I’m still doing.

When you really want to be there for someone in the most meaningful way, it’s a simple phrase you can repeat to yourself:

OBSERVE don’t absorb.

Be fully present. Give your full attention. Share your deepest empathy but just observe the situation and the energy, don’t absorb the energy. Don’t take on the other person’s emotions, the other person’s energy, or the other person’s problems.

We oftentimes want to step in and take action. We want to rescue, help, provide advice, and come up with a solution. And that’s coming from a very beautiful place but in reality, we don’t have to fix everyone’s problems. Believe it or not, most people don’t necessarily want us to fix their problems.  

The most important things really and truly are to be present for them, listen, and show true compassion. Be a good listener, validate their feelings and their thoughts, and really acknowledge that you hear them and that you fully understand what they are going through and what they’re experiencing.  

People just need to be heard and acknowledged. We think we need others to solve our problems but really when we feel heard and acknowledged that in itself changes the energy of the situation and opens up our minds to let in solutions.  

When you take on other people’s energies and problems as your own it’s like putting on more and more layers of clothing and pretty soon it’s like you can’t move because you are wearing so many layers of clothing. I’m thinking of the Friends Episode where Joey put on all the clothes in Chandler’s closet, and he could barely walk. It’s kind of like that. 

The second thing is this:  

Make time, take time, create time to: 

Prioritize your own JOY.  

• Think of a happy Grandchild or Child of your own.  
• Make a short playlist of songs that make you smile, and that you like to sing along to. 
• Make a short list of movies that make you laugh or leave you feeling full of joy or full of hope.  
• If eating a salami sandwich makes you happy, go eat a salami sandwich.  
• Buy yourself some flowers.  
• Be fully present with your pet. Really feel their fur in your hands, watch their tails wag, or watch them roll over on their backs for a big belly rub. Feel as much joy in the moment petting your pet as your pet is feeling.  

There is so much going on in our great big world, let alone going on in the immediate circumference. And we have to find the beauty and the joy in every day. And we need to find multiple moments of it. You have to literally stop what you’re doing and be intentional about creating a joy-filled moment. And they can be small moments.  

You can also think of it as charging up the battery on your phone, filling your car with gas, or charging your car if you have an electric car. You have to do these things intentionally. Creating joy-filled moments is just as important as putting gas in your car so you can move forward with good, happy, positive energy.  

This joy that you fill yourself up with will have an impact on the people around you. You will radiate it. You can’t see vibrations, but they are felt in the air by the people around you.  

So, you’re helping yourself and you’re helping others feel more joy when you are filled with joy.  

If you have put off your yoga class, going to the gym, or taking a walk, give these activities 5 minutes. Google search Chair yoga. Put in some earbuds and listen to a 5-minute yoga session or meditation. Just 5 minutes of stretching or a walk can make a difference in your energy levels and the joy and happiness running through you. 

The third and final thing I want to offer, and this may or may not resonate with you is that we think helping someone has to be in a physical form. Like we have to show up with a shovel, show up with a meal, we have to show up with our muscles to help with physical labor. When you are trying to “do” for the growing list of people who need help, this is when being a Helper and a Giver can feel like a full-time job.  

A very powerful form of help can come from sending true positive vibes to that person. You can call it prayer, you can call it mediation, you can call it a humble request of God or the Universe to ask that they will bring some help to this person.  

These things are all forms of vibrations that go out into the ethereal environment like radio waves. You can actually help someone feel better by simply intentionally thinking positively of them and sending them ideas, sending them joy, and asking whatever higher power you believe in to assist.  

I read a lot of books and there is a lot of scientific research behind the power of prayer, meditation, and sending good vibes when it is directed at another person. Even if someone doesn’t believe in it, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. Whether someone believes in it or not, when you take a moment to offer up an intentional, meaningful prayer or good vibes, it actually creates an energy boost in yourself and sends out energy to the other person.  

I feel deeply connected to the other person when I do this, I often realize that I’m smiling without even thinking about it because I’m sending good wishes, good thoughts, positive solutions, and prayers to someone else.  

Be intentional when you do this. It’s not just uttering the words “I hope they’re OK,” Actually say the words, “I’m so happy and grateful you’re OK,” or “Thank you God, or Thank you Universe for finding my friend’s Husband a job,” or “Bringing 5 minutes of pain relief to my friend and giving her something to laugh about today.”  

You can even send the message out to the person “Take a deep breath, what you need is coming to you very soon.”  

We are all on this journey on earth, together. We have to take care of each other, and we have to take care of ourselves in the process. On an airplane, we are always told that in case of an emergency put an oxygen mask on yourself before assisting those around you. Think of creating your own joy like you’re putting on your own oxygen mask so you can then help more and more people because you’re also taking care of yourself.  

So, I hope that these three things will resonate with you or maybe even just one thing will resonate with you, and you will be able to continue your mission of helping others and being a beacon of hope and joy to others while maintaining your own peace of mind.  

Mental health is just as important if not more important than physical health. As you go about helping others keep yourself as a priority. The healthier you are in mind and spirit the more you can give and help others.   

In this season of Joy and Giving I wish for you many joy-filled moments in your days where you are giving to yourself as much as you are giving to others.  

I wish you all a very Happy Holiday Season and I will see you in the New Year.

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